Encouraging and Appreciating Children's Achievements
In a recent conversation, a speaker emphasized the importance of being more specific and detailed when praising children, comparing it to describing something to a blind person. Instead of using generic phrases like "Good job," the speaker suggested focusing on specific actions, effort, and qualities.
For instance, rather than simply saying "Good job" for reading, the speaker encouraged parents to say "You read for 20 minutes." Or, for making dinner, instead of the usual "Good job," the speaker proposed praising the specific actions and effort, such as "You boiled the water and added the noodles all by yourself."
The speaker's aim is to train themselves, and perhaps others, to be more thoughtful and intentional in their praise. They suggested praising a child's drawing by describing the details of the drawing and praising their creativity. This approach, the speaker believes, helps children understand and internalize what is valued.
The recommended formula for praising children consists of: "I see you (describing action), You're trying really hard! (praising effort), and You're so (adjective) (praising personality)." For example, "I see you put all the stuffed animals in the blue bin and threw away all the scraps of paper. You're trying really hard to keep your room tidy, and you're so organised."
The speaker also highlighted the importance of praising effort and strategies, connecting praise to effects on others, praising privately and avoiding comparisons, and avoiding exaggeration. They even suggested considering indirect or "secret" praise, such as talking positively about the child in conversations they overhear.
This approach, the speaker believes, promotes a growth mindset, helps children understand specific valued behaviors, supports emotional development, and motivates ongoing effort and learning more effectively than generic praise. The speaker encourages the reader to continue complimenting and praising their children, but to do so in a more thoughtful and intentional way.
It's worth noting that the speaker finds this lesson more necessary for themselves than for the reader. They admit to not always following the 4-step praise formula and acknowledge that it's a work in progress. Nonetheless, they remain committed to the idea that specific, descriptive praise can make a significant difference in a child's life.
[1] Goldstein, T. R., & Brooks, G. (2014). The Power of Praise: How to Build Bad Habits, Tame Ego, and Bring Out the Best in Your Child. Penguin Books.
[2] Henderlong, M., & Lepper, M. R. (2002). The double-edged sword of praise: A social-cognitive analysis. Child Development, 73(5), 1318-1328.
[3] Rubin, K. H., Bukowski, W. M., & Parker, J. G. (2006). Peer interactions, relationships, and groups. Guilford Press.
[4] Seligman, M. E. P., Ernst, R. M., Gillham, J., Reivich, K., & Linkins, M. (2009). Positive education: Positive psychology and classroom interventions. Oxford Review of Education, 35(3), 293-311.
