Navigating Relationship-Establishment Inquiries: Insights from 'Love Actually'
Navigating Relationship-Establishment Inquiries: Insights from 'Love Actually'
A two-hour rollercoaster of questionable, implausible, and rather ridiculous scenes of love, bolstered by a celebrity-filled ensemble. That's how the BBC labeled "Love Actually" during the film's 20th anniversary celebration last year.
The holiday favorite has been under fire for body-shaming and a lack of diversity. Incited by his own daughter, the film's director, Richard Curtis, has expressed remorse and shame over specific aspects of his films.
Perhaps this dubious love tale with dubious characters making dubious choices is exactly what we need to boost our questioning escapades?
“Love Actually” Explores Various Forms of Relationships
Typically pigeonholed as a romantic comedy, "Love Actually" follows the lives of eight London couples grappling with their love lives in the lead-up to Christmas. However, there's more to "Love Actually" than just romantic ties?
The film also sheds a comforting and affectionate light on:
- Relationships between strangers,
- Professionally-oriented relationships, including the bond between leaders and workers,
- Relationships between (stepparents) and their offspring, and even
- The relationship we have with ourselves — yes, I'm referring to the self-motivational speech Kris Marshall's character delivers before departing for the United States: "I'm Colin. The God of Sex, I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all."
- Therefore, what does "Love Actually" reveal about our relationships, and how can we leverage questions — and the holidays — to optimize them?
1. “Love Actually” Brings Strangers Together — Ask Because People May Desire Someone to Confide In
"Do you adore him?" Mark has been observing his buddy dance with his bride for some time when Sarah poses him this question. Sarah's question leaves a lasting impression on Mark, so she clarifies why by saying:
"I just thought it was appropriate to ask the straightforward question just in case it was the right one, and you desired someone to share your sentiments about it. And no one had ever asked you before, so you've never had the chance to express those sentiments, even if you desired to."
When approaching someone we're not particularly close to, we have the potential to introduce topics that those close to them would never bring up. While the response may be no — as Mark confirms — it's likely that we've established a connection with our inquiry, opening up the door for other questions: "What do you think of this DJ?" Mark inquires, "Is he the worst in history?"
The secret to successfully connecting with strangers is to be as sincere and unassuming as Sarah is when she says, "I just thought it'd be appropriate to ask the straightforward question just in case it was the right one." But it's also to take a moment to gauge the atmosphere before inviting someone to confide in us. After all, "Do you adore him?" would have never crossed Sarah's mind if she hadn't spent the previous moment observing Mark observing his buddy dance with the woman they both love.
2. “Love Actually” Connects People in the Workplace — Ask To Prevent Various Indiscretions
As the newly elected prime minister, David is determined to avoid damaging England's relationship with the United States. Accordingly, when his staff asks incisive questions of the visiting U.S. president, he brushes them aside by saying, "Let's move on, shall we?"
However, the American president then makes a pass at Natalie, with whom David is smitten. This makes David reconsider the nature of the relationship between Britain and the United States.
As a result, when asked at a press conference if he agrees with the American president that Britain and the United States share a special relationship, David says: “I like that word, ‘relationship.’ Covers all sorts of problems, doesn't it?”
In "Love Actually," David's feelings for Natalie motivate him to summon the courage within himself to supply his employees, the nation, and its people what they need. But, of course, the key to connecting people in the workplace is not to fall in love with your colleagues. Instead, it's to utilize the pointed questions your staff is asking to reconsider if you're doing everything necessary to protect what truly matters from all sorts of problems.
3. “Love Actually” Connects Generations — Ask Even If You Can't Offer Any Assistance
When Liam Neeson's character Daniel decides to talk to his stepson about his isolation following his mother's passing, he starts by asking the same types of questions that most parents ask — with the same unsuccessful outcomes:
"What's the issue, Samuel? Is it just your mother, or is it something else? Maybe school? Are you being bullied? Or is it something more serious?"
It's only when Neeson stops asking questions and his stepson has a chance to ask a question of his own that the conversation takes off:
Sam: "Are you actually interested in knowing?"
Daniel: "I truly want to know."
Sam: "Even if there's nothing you can do to help?"
Daniel: "Even if that's the case, yes."
Sam: “Worse than the complete misery of being in love?”
Daniel: "Um, no. You're correct. Yes, total misery."
The trick to successfully connecting across generations is to be at peace with not knowing what to ask, not being able to provide aid, and not having a strategy to help. Once Daniel accepts this, he is also prepared to navigate the situation together.
And most significantly, he's prepared to explore this journey alongside Sam, rather than acting as an intermediary. This is made apparent by the shift in dynamics, with Sam now taking the lead by asking all the queries. Daniel concludes the Titanic-inspired conversation with a humorous quip, "So, you're screwed, aren't you?", hinting at the universal essence of love and life's challenges, comparing our situations to that of "Jack and Rose."
4. "Love Actually" Encourages Self-Discovery —You're the One to Uncover Your Inner Truths
"I've figured out why I can't seem to find true love," Colin says to his buddy. "Why's that?" his friend asks. And then, Colin shares his belief in residing on the wrong continent. "I should head to America," he concludes. "I'd score a girlfriend there in an instant."
When asked for his opinion, Colin's friend replies, "I think it's a bit far-fetched, Colin." But Colin is undeterred, responding, "Perhaps you're mistaken. American women would be smitten by my charming British accent."
His friend disagrees, stating, "You don't have a charming British accent." But Colin stands his ground, "Yes, I do. I'm off to America." Even when his friend insists, "Colin, you're a solitary, unattractive individual, and you need to accept it," Colin remains resilient, "Never!"
In order to connect with our true selves, it's essential to ask ourselves thought-provoking questions and embrace the answers. Regardless of how much his friend belittles him, Colin maintains his conviction: “No, I’m insightful. In America, I am Prince William, minus the peculiar family dynamics.”
"Love Actually" serves as a reminder that individuals like Colin, Sam, Daniel, David, Natalie, Mark, Sarah, and the rest, despite their questionable attributes, are incredibly lovable. Sometimes we merely need to change continents. And it's reassuring to know that our journey towards self-improvement and stronger relationships begins with a simple question.
- In the workplace scene, Hugh Grant's character as the prime minister uses questions to navigate complex relationships, showing that leaders can leverage questions to prevent indiscreet actions and ensure they're doing everything necessary to protect what truly matters.
- Liam Neeson's character in the film demonstrates the importance of asking questions to connect across generations, as when he overcomes his initial hesitation and asks his stepson how he's feeling, leading to a deep and meaningful conversation.
- Richard Curtis, the director of "Love Actually," has expressed regret over aspects of his films, including a lack of diversity, which highlights the power of questioning our own actions and views to promote positive change in relationships and beyond, even during festive seasons like the holidays.